182 – Kiss of Death Steakhouse Sushi

I’ve always wondered if people who eat sushi also eat raw pork, raw chicken, or, for that matter, eat in the raw. I, for one, like cooked foods. If it moves on the plate, I check for earth quakes. Short of one, I would never eat a wriggle thing on my plate. Oh, I suppose I’d make an exception for flavored gelatin provided I knew its origins.

Some of you must have been telling your friends about this blog. My hits have been going up a bit lately. I hope you are telling your friends and not referring it to your enemies. No. Wait. If it increases my numbers, I’ll accept them too. Comments are welcome, encouraged, solicited, even sought after by way of Divine intervention. Thank you for spending your time here

181 – The New Mythington Newspaper

When I was little (pre school) I used to enjoy the comic pages of the local newspaper. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered that newspapers actually were intended to provide news. Then it all fell in place. It was a “news” paper and told stuff about stuff and I found all that stuff interesting. It seems like newspapers might not be around much longer. Consequently, I’ve been reading them a lot… so I don’t forget about them.

This blog might replace newspapers. Well, not exactly THIS blog but blogs in general as well as online things such as Twitter, Facebook, etc. And that is OK but I still want real, hold in my hand, let me crumble it or use it as packing material when I’m done, paper. With a real newspaper, I can be loaded but the paper doesn’t have to be. It just has to be within reach. Thanks for reading this non-paper.

180 – Will Not Be Undersold

You probably don’t know but I’ve never been on an ocean liner. No. It’s true. In my earlier years I’ve been fishing with my dad… from a rowboat. But a big ocean liner, I don’t think I would have forgotten that. I’d like to buy an ocean liner but I just don’t have the money. And I could have really used the $10.00

Ok, Ok. I didn’t like the above all that much either. But you know, sometimes one just has to give in to baser instincts. Oh wait. I threw that post away. This is its replacement. Wow. I could have been in a lot of trouble. Thanks for sticking with me, however. Maybe I’ll lower the bar sometime and post something really disgusting. Keep looking in. You never know. Thinks for your visit this time.

179 – New Phone Company Policy

No! I am not opposed to the phone company. In fact, I currently subscribe to three different phone services. But have you ever looked at the phone bill. Every item is broken down to such a degree it’s impossible to decipher where all the hard earned dollars are going. I’ve decided to simplify my life. I am connecting to everyone I know with tin cans and string. It works. Really. Ok… it does have some drawbacks. You really need to empty the cans or things get very mushy and I haven’t worked out that mobile thing yet.

Once again I want to express my great appreciation. That anyone would risk their standing in the community to click in here and actually read this stuff amazes me. I promise not to tell anyone who you are — it’s just my way of keeping you from having to explain your lapse of sanity.

178 – Joe’s Big Sale

Have you ever noticed that “sales” often happen on days when the money is thin. Now, in my case that means that I can only afford a left sock but for many other people it just means that they had no plans to use that money except for other frivolous purchases such as food or to pay the gas bill. Timing is everything. I am convinced that should I win the million dollar lotto, there will be a sale for something I simply must have and it only costs $9,999,999.99. And so it goes.

You may have noticed a pattern for this bottom section of these posts. Normally, I reserve this space for a great big thank you for visiting. This time, however, I think I’ll do the same thing. No sense in interrupting a tradition. Thanks for visiting.

177 – Pauline’s Pachyderm Palace

I mean, this is ridiculous! I’ve lived to a ripe old age and I have never seen more than six or seven neighbors with a pachyderm (or rhino, or a hippo) in need of being picked up or trained. Pauline is going to have a heck of a time in her business. And, by the way, don’t you just hate it when you come home and find pachyderm hair all over your sofa?

Your continued support is greatly appreciated. I’m pretty sure your comments will be rewarded. If not, go ahead and make comments anyway. It’s the right thing to do.

176 -Morgue Now Open 24 Hours

People prefer to stay away from the morgue. I don’t think it’s the décor. They’re all decorated pretty much the same way and while they all do a good job with refrigeration, I don’t suppose many of them have large screen plasma television with the full cable movie package. So, except for their basic functionality, I think we can all agree, morgues are pretty dull places.

I know. This is the first Naïve ad that I’ve done in about 67 months. I’m falling behind in my plan to do these more frequently. I’m sure I can do better. What I’m not sure of is: Will I do better!

175 – New Cars Just $25 Per Mo.

In the “old” days I remember a TV show (the name escapes me) that opened by mentioning that a con-man is a person who will slap you on the back with one hand and pick your pocket with the other. My personal experience is that the car dealer simply tries to maximize profits. Nothing wrong with that. My suggestion though, is to go the other way. lower initial profit and thus keep the customer with great service the rest of their life. Another thought. Give me the car free and I’ll marry you.

Many, many thanks for your visit. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Send me several thousand bucks and I’ll personally give you an electronic smile and a handshake. (Oh yes, I really do appreciate your visits.)

174 – Get Thousands of MPG

My car is a Buick Roadmaster. It was originally built to deplete the world supply of oil and now simply irritates owners every three to five miles when it needs gas. On the plus side, the Buick Roadmaster is the civilian equivalent of the famous M1 Tank and with its 5.7 liter engine, it can, when connected to a generator, power the the entire GM plant that produced the car. It gives one a genuine sense of entitlement!

Thanks for your continued interest in this blog! Any comments are hereby solicited and for those who have made comments, your new car is in the mail.

173 – Change the Weather!

Life really gets frustrating. yes? Like when you leave the house on a nice sunny morning only to kick your self for not taking the umbrella when it rains that afternoon. You know, don’t you, that the same kind of thing happens the other way around. You did, in fact, remember to bring the umbrella. What you forgot, however, was to take it inside with you. Now it’s raining more than at the time of the great flood and you are stuck in the office while your umbrella is outside protecting the inside of your car!

I’m looking forward to the time I can keep a supply of umbrellas — the house, the car, next to the tree half way between my house and my car. Or, I suppose I could just learn to love the rain. And oh yes, thanks for taking the time to visit. More to come.

172 – Cable TV 2

I’m not sure we could live without cable TV. It entertains. It educates. It stimulates. It keeps us informed and, late at night, we get to know all about erectile disfunction, fat, toenail fungus, buying houses with no money down, etc. I know it thrills me.

It won’t be too long before there will be 200 Naïve ads. I thought it might be a good idea (and one that saves me from having to create a new ad) if I had you all submit your list of the five best Naïve ads. You can go to my archives (on the right of the page) and check out some that you feel are the most memorable. I sure hope this works. I’d hate to have to post a blank page if no one submits their choice. Thanks for visiting.

171 – Full Service Morgue 3

There can be no doubt. A morgue is one of those places. You know. THOSE places. It isn’t a nice place to visit and you definitely wouldn’t live there, if you follow my meaning. But then again, there is always Mythington.

The american service of the BBC had an article the other day that caught my attention. They asked listeners to write in and help define the word “friend.” One person emailed: “A friend is someone who will help you move. A really good friend is someone who will help you move a body.” Well, in the colonies, we have a name for that kind of friend. We call them accomplices. As always, thanks for visiting here. Comment if you please, won’t you… please?

170 – New Radio Station

I once worked on air at at radio station and even owned a cable radio service. Of course, I had my own show — I said I owned it. One thing I’ve noticed over the years has been how much music tastes have changed. Some people ask “Why can’t everyone like acid rock and heavy metal?” while others really like that syrupy stuff. I personally prefer classical and talk. But I’m different so don’t go by what I say.Thank you ever so much for visiting and I hope what you see hasn’t scared you off. Maybe, some day, you’ll click in here and WOW! Your fancy will have been tickled.

169 – New Cars

I don’t buy new cars any more. I used to but, when I realized how much money I was throwing away, I decided to buy used. Then I realized how much money I was throwing away… in repairs. I still think a person CAN win… if they know how. And that is, I have discovered, the really hard part.

There have been 169 of these Naïve ads so far. Wow. I thought there might be, maybe, 20 or 30 of them in me but after I posted a few, I realized that they are just so much fun. Well, of course, some are a bit better than others. OK. A lot of them are not as good as some but none of them would have even happened if they weren’t fun to do! I hope you have had some share in the process and thank you for your visits. Let me know what you really think. I can always block you if I don’t agree. Just kidding.

168 – Mythington International Air

When I was young I entertained thoughts of being a pilot. Exciting job, snappy uniform, travel… and you got paid for it! Of course, that was fifth grade. Now, I’m old and grey and thinking a lot about the wisdom of being at 30,000 feet in a large winged tube with lots of volatile fuel and coughing passengers and, you know what? Hanging around here really doesn’t seem all that bad.

For some reason, the Tags and Categories don’t seem to work. It’s OK. I’ll know where these cartoons are. If you do happen to discover them, thanks for visiting. If you are a regular, wow! I didn’t expect that! But thanks for visiting also.

167 – Mathematically Challenged 2

There is no doubt that math was a foreign language for me in High School all those many years ago. Things have gotten better for me now that I’ve had the opportunity to age. Not only can I tie my shoes properly, I can actually balance my checkbook — on the rare occasions when there is money enough to spend the hour or so that’s necessary to do the calculations. But I digress. I love sales. They always make me wonder why the store owners felt comfortable ripping us off all the time the item sold at full price — and now, all of a sudden, they want to entice us in to the store (or want to get rid of stuff) so badly that they are willing to reduce the item 1/3, 1/2 or more! Everything must go! I’m thinking that it might have gone better much earlier if it had started out at 1/3. 1/2 or more in the first place.

I bought a pair of very expensive soft-sole shoes once. GREAT! They lasted for many, many miles longer than anything I had previously bought! The only problem I could detect was that they were… very expensive soft-sole shoes. I look forward to the day they are on sale for a tenth of my original purchase price or when I make more than a pauper. Thanks for staying around long enough to indulge me this blog. I appreciate your comments and your presence.

166 – Good People

All joking aside, there are incarcerated people who have paid for their deeds and have worked very hard to change their lives. In my mind, failure to hire such people is vindictiveness and our society is better than that. Recidivism is bad enough. Why would a just society shun former (and I mean former, not those who simply put in their time only to pick up where they left off)… why should we force them into a return to crime? In what way does that help them or help our society?

Oops. There is that soap box again. Oh well. It happens. After the Naïve ad was done, I got to thinking about it. What started out as a cartoon, on reflection, turned me to thinking about the plight of ex guests of the county, state or federal government. Without a job, it would be the easiest thing in the world to scream out some epithet at the world and do what was wrong — in a craftier way. Turn a life around and you make our society even greater than it is! Hope you return. I appreciate you putting up with me.

165 – Woody’s Legal Eagles

I’ve built many swimming pools and put many kids through college with all the attorney fees I’ve had to pay. It seems to me, however, the results have always been worth it. Now, however, money is at a premium so I check first if the attorney already has a pool and that the kids are already in college. Also, now I check that the attorney is not being sued — it helps my bottom line.

Just enough time to say thanks for visiting this blog. I’ve got my attorney on the phone and I’ve already bought most of a new 62 inch plasma HD TV for him.

164 – Under Newer New Management

I just love going to new restaurants (and visiting old faves, as well). I’ve got to mention a menu that I really liked. It was just one page with headings for the listings. They included four items: Appetizer, Entrée, Children, and Deserts. Now here was the problem. If I ordered “Children,” would I be understood or would I be arrested. Children are great but I’ve never had any for dinner, if you follow what I mean.

The Kiss Of Death Steakhouse is one of my favorites. And I hope you find it nice but never have to eat there. If you did, I just might not have you back here to read these Naïve ads. Thank you for returning, and as always, I invite your comments.

163 – Free HD Plasma Screen TV

Not everything in advertising is as it seems to be. It’s not that they are telling lies, necessarily. It’s that they are not telling the complete truth. Think about it. If the the truth be known and they actually told the truth about a product, then you just might not want the product. I’m sure they would notice that the product wasn’t selling so they just might have to resort to not telling the complete truth about the product and, in doing so, help the product to sell. Now you know the history behind  why “Batteries Not Included” is written in such tiny letters on the package.

As usual, this bottom space is reserved for the specific purpose of saying Thank You for visiting these posts. It is interesting, while the total views is still quite low, they are picking up. I’m glad. These ads are fund to do but they are funner when I know others are looking at them. And so, I like to say Thanks. Be sure to mention them on Facebook. I use:  http://georgebill.com  for my address. Also, call the president and let him know. I think that with all the Secret Service people looking out for him, my readership would definatley improve.

162 – Taxes, Taxes, Taxes

No. No. No. I simply DO NOT like paying taxes. But then again I also don’t like green eggs and ham. Its just that I do feel American today, despite the bite. I remember the jet landing in the Hudson, the rescue of the Captain off the Horn of Africa, and the work of the unseen Homeland Security folks. It seems to me that all of these things and so many more things that I do want are the direct result of our tax dollars at work. To simply say, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more,” fails to recognize there is a greater good. And, yes, I am aware of over spending. So why not rail against specifics rather than flail at windmills?

OK. I’ll refrain, but not give up entirely, on social commentary. I’d rather do the Naïve ads anyway. They are a lot more fun and make me squirm a lot less. Don’t bail out of returning to this blog. I promise to return to the normally abnormal stuff I usually do. And thank you for your restraint.

161 – Medicine That Does It All

I’m not a medical doctor and I don’t play one on TV but I do know there can’t be a magic bullet that cures all illnesses. Can there? No, of course there can’t. But just watch television. The beautiful mountain scenery, flowers, happy couples walking along a pleasant stream. You would never believe they have to take (fill-in the blank) or, if they don’t, they’ll explode!

When I was young, I was taught to say “Thank you” when the appropriate moment arrived. It has just arrived. THANK YOU for visiting here. You know, a lot of people don’t visit here. Indeed a very lot of people don’t visit here so you are among the elite few who have the perspicacity to do so. [P-E-R-S-P-I-C-A-C-I-T-Y, “having a ready insight into and understanding of things — Dictionary, Version 1.0.2 (1.0.2), © 2005 Apple Computer, Inc. All Rights Reserved].

“Perspicacity.” Don’t you just love visiting here for these lessons? Thanks again.

160 – Used Car Special

Boy, don’t we live in a special world? It seems that you can turn almost anywhere and get something “special.” Look around and you can easily find special diets, special coffee, special offers. Specials are so prolific that it really is hard to find something “Special,” if you know what I mean. Oh, by the way, the ad today really is something special. Really.

I want to give a special (a real special, that is) thanks to all of you who return to this blog even though I don’t always offer you something new every day. It’s a confusing, complex, and demanding world in which we live. I am blaming the erratic postings on the tempo of the world so… I demand that the world be simple. Is that clear? I await

By the way, the world would become a lot less confusing if you made a comment on this blog. Good, bad, even ambiguous, equivocal, foggy, nebulous, or vague — it would still be a comment. (Don’t you just love the Thesaurus?) So, jump in and say something. Thanks.

159 – Cell Phones of Mythington

I was among the first to have a cell phone in our little community. I called it a “brick” because it was about the same size, shape, and weight. The thrill of having it disappeared once grade school kids started carrying them. For a while, I was looking good! Sometimes, say, at the mall, I would pull out my phone and talk on it as though someone was really at the other end. Ah, the good old days. Who would even notice these days?

If you insist on visiting here I ‘ll have no alternative but to thank you profusely! Though, I’d thank you profusely if this were your first visit as well. Please feel free to share this little blog with anyone you like (or dislike, I suppose). In fact, one of my goals is to become disgustingly, repulsively, appallingly well known — actually, not so much me personally but the Naïve ads themselves. I’m glad  just to be the ad agent that makes them available. I do, however, await the money rolling in.

158 – Promotional Code

One can save a lot of money just by using coupons. The fact that this will irritate those waiting behind you should only briefly concern you. I mean, after all, you’re saving real money, right? Look, I’m not angry at couponers couponing. What really fries my liver is when the check out person and the customer try to match up this coupon with that package of twelve ounce mild cheddar which just has to be somewhere in the $214.21 pile of purchases. Oh well, I guess 15¢ is 15¢ even when the person behind you has to go to the restroom.

Telling your friends about this blog will bring you long life and many grocery store coupons. Thanks for visiting.

157 – Fabulous Kitchen Tool

In these days of sooo little money, I have come to really value what money I have and often think very hard before I spend either dime of it. I do get a charge out of the advertising that says “We’re not happy until you’re happy!” OK I’m not truly happy until they give me the service for free. Still, I suppose there truly are some deals out there. I understand that if I buy a Rolls Royce, I get free delivery.

See, there you go again. Visiting this blog! Well, I want you to know I appreciate it and will, because of your continued interest in it (the blog), send $1,000 dollars to you — maybe now, maybe some other day much later in the future, maybe rather later in the future. But, for sure it will arrive on April 1st. Perhaps. have a merry April Fools Day.

156 – Joe’s Will Beat Any Offer

I suspect we probably all want to buy at the lowest price but how many times have you decided to buy gas on this side of the street even though it sold for 2¢ cheaper on that side. Or, have you gone to that store because the parking lot at this store was too crowded — even though that store is known as the less expensive place.

I once went to a large discount department store at 5:45 AM to buy an advertised special (a TV set) for $220. I got the last one! Lucky me!! A year later, the same model set was sold for $90. Oh well.

Your continued interest is of great importance to me. I am very glad you take your time to visit and hope you find the cartoons interesting, even humorous. More will come.

155 – Home Fighter Jet Security

Robberies do happen. My home was a guest to a robber once. A television and a schefflera house plant were taken. The broken window was repaired and a week later, my house was once again host to a robber and once again, this time, my new television and my new schefflera were taken. I tell you this because it appears to me that a television and a schefflera, in combination, appear prized targets.

Thank you for visiting. Some are more OK than others. I think this is one of them.

154 – Special, Special, Special

We see special offers all the time. So ubiquitous are some of the specials that they’re offered daily! This, of course, makes “Special Offers” into “Common Offers” which, in turn, allows advertisers to advertise “This is NOT a Special Offer” which implies that the common, every day, ordinary, plane Jane, garden variety offer currently being offered is, well… pretty special!

This space (at the bottom of the Naïve ad) is used to say Thank You for taking time to visit this site. So, Thank You. Of course, you are invited back.

Your comments are especially appreciated. These are a lot of fun to do but the comments you make are what help to motivate the posts. So, comment… please. I can take it. I’m an adult… age-wise that is.

153 – We Need Change!

When I was a pup, just out of college and pretty much broke, I gave a friend of mine $100 in Susan B. Anthony coins for his wedding. I put it in a small box and it looked like… well, it looked like $25 in quarters. The Susan B’s were silver (not gold in color like the newer $1.00 coins). So, I did the only thing I could do. I gave him what I had left… the wish for much happiness.

Thanks for visiting! Do leave a comment. It’s a green thing to do and a good thing to do too. I think it’s green. It is green, isn’t it? Maybe a little?

152 – Cash For Cash

Boy do I wish I had a lot of money! I could spend it on frivolous items like… like food or a package of socks. I have a feeling I’m not alone either. In fact, I know that nearly everyone wants more money… my friend Tim, my neighbors, car companies, bankers. Well, nothing ever stays the same. Whatever is here and now will be different later. My only hope is that things will be “better” different and not “worse” different.

Please tell your friends about this site. It will make me happy. It might make them happy and if it does, they will tell their friends and those friends will be happy and they, in turn, will tell their friends. Things could actually get out of hand and fourth or fifth tier friends would be telling first tier friends and the first tier people would wind up having to be doubly happy. I don’t even know if doctors have yet found a cure for double happiness. Thanks for visiting and be careful if you get an email suggesting this site. I want you to stay healthy.