41 – Secret Society

When I was in the first few grades of grade school, we had a neighborhood club. Yes, we had gang fights… usually with cap-guns. When someone was shot, there was negotiation. “I got you!” “No you didn’t. You only winged me”. Now, I fear the times have changed. The person who was “got” doesn’t negotiate or get up. If guns are necessary, I wish that they could all be cap-guns.

Once again I’d like to take the time to thank you for stopping by. I do hope you are enjoying these and continue to return. As I have hundreds of time before, I try to post one or two of them every day. That’s because I believe everyone should have their sanity test daily. Comments and links to this blog are encouraged.

40 – Estate Planning

When people are young, below the age of realizing their own mortality, they don’t really see the sense of planning for their future. There is plenty of time. I work it all out later. Well, I’m here to tell you “Have a little less fun – just a little less fun every week, and stash some cash in some kind of savings”. An alternative… have lots of children. At least one will be successful and then you can move in and give them advice.

Wow. We’ve hit the big four oh! 40 thingies! If you missed any, go to the archives and check them out. I’ve secretly hidden a fortune there. If you find it, you will be able to have your children move back in with you! Oh wait, I was just joking. There is no fortune hidden and your chance of finding one in the archives is zero. Now will you check out the archives? Would you consider making a comment?

39 – Lotto Winners Club

Twice a week I buy a lotto ticket. I don’t expect to win but think about this. If I don’t buy a ticket my odds of winning are exactly zero. They say that normal odds are one in 180,000,000. So that means that buying just one ticket I have greatly narrowed the odds! And technically speaking, if you play long enough, you will win. (NOTE: mostly you have to live long enough since it may take you more than 180,000,000 years. I guess playing the lotto might not be the best retirement plan choice).

The stats show that some of you might actually be returning to this blog. I’m glad for that and appreciate it muchly. Regrettably, I cannot speak to your therapist. I’m afraid you are on your own. Maybe a comment would help. Try it. The comment link is where it says “No Comments” or it might have a number and then say “Comments.”

38 – Sink Hole

Eating out is quite expensive these days. You certainly don’t need me to tell you that. Fast food isn’t cheap food. A dress-up, sit down dinner now requires a bank loan. So, from the ’50’s song which I can’t remember the title of… “I’m puttin me a bar in the back of my car and drive myself to drink.” I will, of course, not drink and drive and because booze are so expensive these days also, what I will drink is water (if it is on sale).

Expensive eating is one thing BUT adding a comment, now that is something else! Why not try it? And  thanks for revisiting or arriving for the first time. Your time is appreciated.

37 – Cubicles for Rent

Arborwood seems a lot like the place I already have. Same windows. Same uniformed people walking around. All the doors are locked. The only difference is that my place has a lot of white-coated doctors checking that everyone is calm.

Thanks for visiting. I always appreciate it when they let me have visitors. You are encouraged to comment and link to this blog. Also, please tell your friends, neighbors and total strangers to visit here. They will also have my appreciation. No reward money. Perhaps next time. Sorry.

36 – Cable TV Schedule

Have you ever tried to not watch television? I have. Since I don’t watch the “Reality” shows it was easy. I didn’t miss what I didn’t watch. But I did miss what I did watch — Charlie Rose. I am still trying to understand that program!

You may have arrived at this blog by accident. If so, please enjoy it and don’t call for an Emergency Medical Unit. This blog is relatively harmless and it is not likely that you will get an infection. Not likely. Really. Believe me. But if an infection does happen, write a comment and you might get an antidote.

35 – Jane Finds Watch

I had a friend a long time ago who had a knack for finding things. It was remarkable. He found all kinds of things — TV sets, refrigerators, diamond rings, even cars. Last I heard he was arrested. I wonder if he’ll find any more things when he gets out?

I don’t want to say I’m desperate for comments and links to this blog, so I won’t say I’m desperate for comments and links to this blog. But I am thinking that I’m desperate for comments and links to this blog. I’d also like to mention that, in the past, I have been desperate for comments and links to this blog. Mind you, I am not now asking for comments or links to this blog but the “No Comments” or “Comments” found below this post do allow you to make comments. I’m just pointing that out….

34 – Pauline’s Pachyderm Palace

The sign said “Make Your Car New Again! Get It Washed Today!” Well I did. It still isn’t new. So. Ive studied the issue very carefully. I need a flashy, expensive new car. I used to think I wanted one. Now, I know. I NEED one.

Did you notice? You are back again. Yes. You. Thank you very much for returning. Now, please tell your friends, neighbors, business friends, the milkperson, or just a safe looking stranger. Thanks again. More to come tomorrow.

33 – BBQ Chicken

I need to make a point here. BBQ is OK but Hot Wings. That is something else. Not just any ‘ole Hot Wings. No. Hot Wings with Cajun flavor! And not Reeeeel HOT. I want to feel my lips when I’m done but I am not wanting flavored advertising posters. Mild but with enthusiasm… gotta go. I’m hungry.

If you are here by accident, please click on the very large, red button with the blue and pink arrow pointing at it. If, on the other hand you are here by choice, you need real help. Thanks for visiting anyway. I try to post one or two of these a day so keep checking back.

32 – Have Something Removed

I’ve only been in the hospital once when I was born, one time for an operation, and for a number of visits to others who were hospitalized over the years. I must say, I’ve got only the highest regard for doctors and nurses. I could have been a doctor were it not for the hard work and above average intelligence requirement. I foolishly thought that being foolish wasn’t foolish.

Please post a comment. I have it on very good authority that doing so will bring you unimaginable wealth. And if it doesn’t, write me a comment and I’ll have some serious words with that good authority. Also, if you link to this blog or tell all of your friends (alphabetically, if possible), then unimaginable wealth will come to me. That ain’t bad. [Yes, I know all about “ain;t.” In fact, my computer Dictionary and Thesaurus tells me that “ain’t” is “a shibboleth of poor usage.” Later, when I’ve got the time, I intend to look up “shibboleth.”]

31 – Object Lessons

As we grow up we learn certain things. Look left. Look right, then look left again. When things go wrong, as things are want to do, we say “I went to the school of ‘Hard Knocks.'” Wouldn’t it be nice if we had someone to tell us “Oh no, thats a poor choice, don’t do it.” Oh wait. I guess we do have watchers. They are called parents. I’ll bet if we had actually listened to them, “Things” would go less wrong.
Thanks again for staying with this. I like it when you view these posts. Keep it up. This is your parent talking to you.

30 – Watch Tiger

I like kids. They make great pets but are not especially good at barking when an intruder comes near. Clearly, attack trained watch guppies would never do though they undoubtedly would be quieter than a dog, eat far less, never need walking, and would rarely tear up the carpeting. An attack trained tiger. Seems a tad bit excessive to me.

Thanks again for stopping by. Remember to link to this blog and to drop off some comments.

29 – New Success Team

There is no doubt. Change is good… for a lot of people. I used to rearrange the furniture in my apartment every two months even if it didn’t need rearranged.

28 – Sans Bugs

My first experience eating snails was a real triumph of  peer pressure over good sense. Who in their right mind would ever put one of those things in their mouth and then deliberately munch down on it? Answer: me. Actually, the key to it all is to drown it in garlic butter and add in so many croutons that the tasty treat inside is never really noticed. Bugs, on the other hand….

You have been with this blog for a good long time now and you keep returning. Great. Glad to have you. Please note, however, these things may get better. I feel I’ve reached a certain level of quality. Now I intend to continue my quest for SUPER mediocrity. Remember to link to this blog, make comments on it, and eat your veggies.

27 – Mythington Public Radio

I listen to Public Radio a lot. I even understand it a lot. That’s enough to convince me that contributing to Public Radio is a gas.  Really. Any contribution you could make will insure that a PHC will continue. I especially like the red socks. They show up real nice on my radio.

26 – Urgent Recall

Children often fantasize about being super (man or woman) or having x-ray vision (me, me) or whatever. As adults we realize such things are nothing more than illusion. They are young. What do they know? As adults, we know that winning the lotto is the real reality.

There must be a reason you arrived at this blog. An accident? You did it on purpose? Either way, I’m glad. Come often. I try to post one or two every day. Comments are invited. Indeed, comments are wanted!

25 – Mythington Air

I remember, when I was quite young, how excited I was. Flying! That was the thing. I’d get a job at the airport. Any ‘ole job. It didn’t matter just so I could be close to airplanes. I knew I was destined for a pilots seat. Well, I went on to other things in life and piloting faded into my memory banks. Time passed. I would now be charged for my extra personal cargo, looking at things up close is dictated by where my bifocals got put and now I can’t afford the carry on luggage. Oh well.

If these things amuse you and you are new to all of this, please note the calendar to the right. Click on it or on the archives and you will be stuck with reading my past attempts. But thanks no matter what you do.

24 – Power Shave

We can assume that “Power” in this instance does not have the same sense as “The Great And Wonderful Oz.” It’s a different kind of power. Perhaps intimidation. You know, more expensive is always better. Boys must have their toys because they experience torment inflicted on them when they don’t get the toy they want… I mean, need. I don’t experience the torment since poverty inoculates one from it.

I don’t feel power when I say thank you for viewing these. I feel pleased that anyone would take time out of their lives to check in, even if it might be to see if things have improved. Please comment.

23 – Scratch & Dent & Wrong Color

I really like sales but they also pose a problem for me. Lets say that a certain item is normally $50 and the sale price is now just $25. Good deal, yes? But doesn’t that mean that all this time they’ve been ripping us off by selling the thing for 50% more than it was worth. After all, a smart store sells its stuff at a profit. That means that at 50% off they still intend to make a profit… so, they could have sold it at, say, $35 and still made a handsome amount on the sale.

You are very kind to keep returning and I do, of course, thank you. If you don’t send spam, I would also like your comments. Just click where it says “No Comments” and type in a comment. Then, the “No Comments” will turn in to “Comments” in which case, if you wish to make a comment, it is not spam, and it says “Comments” instead of “No Comments” you should go ahead and click where it says “Comments” because that means “This is where you make comments.” I know it sounds simple but it really is… simple.

22 – Assertiveness Classes

I personally have a problem with assertiveness. To me, if I say I want something, then, that is what I want… except I am willing to negotiate. I’m not interested in a fight. I am looking for accommodation. So… do you want to make something outa that or what?

As usual, thank you for coming back to this blog. I appreciate it greatly but I must tell you that I know these things are different and I have no intention of ever making them the same. I insist!

If you want to negotiate my decision, please leave a comment… but I doubt anything will change.

21 – Jessica

This one just blows my mind! I watched that show. I believed Jessica. She seemed so grandmotherly and I was just so impressed with her ability to get to the culprit. But frankly, I did wonder a bit why it was that so many people in her life were found dead. I mean, EVERY week. Now, in retrospect, I think I was enamored with her self-confidence, and that “I’m just an ordinary writer going through life finding dead bodies all over the place” attitude of hers. I should have known. Dead people EVERY WEEK!

20 – Vowels

It’s hard to believe anyone would put together an ad about bowels. You would think elements of the human alimentary canal would lack aesthetics. Oh. Wait. I see now. It’s VOWELS. That’s much better.

As usual, I thank you for your visit here. If you would like to comment, and I would like you to comment, just click on where it says “No Comments” below. It really means “Please enter your comments here” but is far too bashful to say it that way, so I just did. I’d really like to know what you think. Please don’t swear or question my existence. Be nice since young ‘uns might be reading. In fact, if you want to lavish praise, I’d be really willing too accept it.

19 – Dungeon Swill

Not everyone likes Dungeon Swill. I’m pretty sure of that and while I have never personally tried it, I do have certain expectations. In this case, I intend to sit back and ponder those expectations. I may ponder so much that actually eating Dungeon Swill becomes academic. Now, back to pondering…

Well, I don’t know about you but something is making me hungry. Thank you for tuning in and please come back. I add a new ad about every day. You are invited to stop by and see them anytime, however. Also, if you link to this blog, the Kiss of Death Steakhouse will not deliver to your home. Think it over. It just might be worth it.

18 – Potted Rose Bushes

If it is her birthday, give her roses. If you are the her, give him information on how to buy roses. If you don’t want roses, give him information on how to buy you an expensive luxury car. You’ll probably get roses but at least he will know how to buy you an expensive luxury car.

Ah. I see you are back. Thanks. (BTW, I can’t really see you or actually see you come back. But if you did come back, I thought it might be nice if you thought I remembered you.) If you are not coming back and this is your first time… come back.

17 – Congresspersons for Hire

Come on now. I think people are really too hard on our people in congress. Yes, I know they were all elected by someone else, but give them a break. After all, they work very hard. They… ah, they… ah, well they work very hard.

On behalf of me, I do thank you for visiting. Please link to this blog and in no time at all, Google will find us and then you can say you had a hand in… on second thought, maybe you’d like to remain anonymous. But do link to here. I won’t tell anyone.

16 – Smily Faces

They say “Money can’t buy happiness.” I’m not so sure. Once, when I was young, a family friend bought ice cream cones for all the kids in our neighborhood. We were all happy.

Another thing that makes me happy, after all of these years, is that someone, anyone, would gander at this falderal. Tell your friends. Tell your insurance agent. Tell the corner police person. Let them know it is perfectly safe to view these and that they should. In fact, lets have a party!

Link to this blog and you will have a long and prosperous life with many children to take care of you in you twilight years, more money than you can imagine and, of course, be very, very happy… I think.

15 – Acme Locksmith

Personally, I don’t like loud noises but I suppose when you are locked out of where you’d like to be in, you do what you need to do.

Your continued support is greatly appreciated. If you would like, link to this post and in that way, others can feel your pain… just like you feel whenever you visit this site.

14 – The Brevity Clinic

I know it’s very hard to not say too much. Right?

Without saying too much, thank you for viewing this blog. I appreciate it and will send you $100,000 if you make a comment. (Full disclosure statement: reward money will be sent at my sole discretion and will be done at such time as I deem fit and is completely dependent on an abundant availability of funds and requires recipient to pay an amount equal to or grater than the reward amount in advance of receiving any reward amount.)

13 – Money Counters

Counting money is really hard to do. I’ve been counting all of my money for the past few weeks and I just know that if I do it a few more times, it will total more than $2.00!

It’s just swell that anyone wants to view these little pieces of whatever. Thanks. Please link to this blog, make a comment, contact me at wjfconsulting @mail.com, tell your friends, brush your teeth twice daily, always keep change enough for a dollar in you pocket, and may your swash never buckle.

12 – Ace Garbage

New businesses always have some trouble with focus. Established businesses seem to always know where they are going. The newbies simply want to go somewhere and, it turns out, that somewhere is often down the tubes. The best thing for insured success is simply start an old business.

Your continued support is appreciated. So much so that I intend to send every hit a $20.00 bill (or is that send Bill $20.00), I’ll work it out and get back to you. Comments and links are also appreciated but there is not a chance Bill will send you $20.00. Sorry.

11 – Mythington Morgue – 2

Now, this is an ad for a Morgue. I’ve been around for quite some time and, to tell you the truth, I can’t ever recall an ad from a morgue. I suppose that if you’ve seen one morgue, you’ve seen them all… so I suppose advertising makes some sense EXCEPT, if you are the client, one morgue is probably as good as another.

Oh wait. I have seen an ad for a morgue. It’s on the July 24, 2008 post on this blog(ue). Imagine that.

Would anyone like to comment about these ridiculous, preposterous, cockamamie, (wait, I lost my place in the Thesaurus… Oh, there it is), idiotic pieces of advertising? Please do. I can take it. Remember though, these are my children you’re discussing.