182 – Kiss of Death Steakhouse Sushi

I’ve always wondered if people who eat sushi also eat raw pork, raw chicken, or, for that matter, eat in the raw. I, for one, like cooked foods. If it moves on the plate, I check for earth quakes. Short of one, I would never eat a wriggle thing on my plate. Oh, I suppose I’d make an exception for flavored gelatin provided I knew its origins.

Some of you must have been telling your friends about this blog. My hits have been going up a bit lately. I hope you are telling your friends and not referring it to your enemies. No. Wait. If it increases my numbers, I’ll accept them too. Comments are welcome, encouraged, solicited, even sought after by way of Divine intervention. Thank you for spending your time here

181 – The New Mythington Newspaper

When I was little (pre school) I used to enjoy the comic pages of the local newspaper. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered that newspapers actually were intended to provide news. Then it all fell in place. It was a “news” paper and told stuff about stuff and I found all that stuff interesting. It seems like newspapers might not be around much longer. Consequently, I’ve been reading them a lot… so I don’t forget about them.

This blog might replace newspapers. Well, not exactly THIS blog but blogs in general as well as online things such as Twitter, Facebook, etc. And that is OK but I still want real, hold in my hand, let me crumble it or use it as packing material when I’m done, paper. With a real newspaper, I can be loaded but the paper doesn’t have to be. It just has to be within reach. Thanks for reading this non-paper.

180 – Will Not Be Undersold

You probably don’t know but I’ve never been on an ocean liner. No. It’s true. In my earlier years I’ve been fishing with my dad… from a rowboat. But a big ocean liner, I don’t think I would have forgotten that. I’d like to buy an ocean liner but I just don’t have the money. And I could have really used the $10.00

Ok, Ok. I didn’t like the above all that much either. But you know, sometimes one just has to give in to baser instincts. Oh wait. I threw that post away. This is its replacement. Wow. I could have been in a lot of trouble. Thanks for sticking with me, however. Maybe I’ll lower the bar sometime and post something really disgusting. Keep looking in. You never know. Thinks for your visit this time.

179 – New Phone Company Policy

No! I am not opposed to the phone company. In fact, I currently subscribe to three different phone services. But have you ever looked at the phone bill. Every item is broken down to such a degree it’s impossible to decipher where all the hard earned dollars are going. I’ve decided to simplify my life. I am connecting to everyone I know with tin cans and string. It works. Really. Ok… it does have some drawbacks. You really need to empty the cans or things get very mushy and I haven’t worked out that mobile thing yet.

Once again I want to express my great appreciation. That anyone would risk their standing in the community to click in here and actually read this stuff amazes me. I promise not to tell anyone who you are — it’s just my way of keeping you from having to explain your lapse of sanity.

178 – Joe’s Big Sale

Have you ever noticed that “sales” often happen on days when the money is thin. Now, in my case that means that I can only afford a left sock but for many other people it just means that they had no plans to use that money except for other frivolous purchases such as food or to pay the gas bill. Timing is everything. I am convinced that should I win the million dollar lotto, there will be a sale for something I simply must have and it only costs $9,999,999.99. And so it goes.

You may have noticed a pattern for this bottom section of these posts. Normally, I reserve this space for a great big thank you for visiting. This time, however, I think I’ll do the same thing. No sense in interrupting a tradition. Thanks for visiting.

177 – Pauline’s Pachyderm Palace

I mean, this is ridiculous! I’ve lived to a ripe old age and I have never seen more than six or seven neighbors with a pachyderm (or rhino, or a hippo) in need of being picked up or trained. Pauline is going to have a heck of a time in her business. And, by the way, don’t you just hate it when you come home and find pachyderm hair all over your sofa?

Your continued support is greatly appreciated. I’m pretty sure your comments will be rewarded. If not, go ahead and make comments anyway. It’s the right thing to do.

175 – New Cars Just $25 Per Mo.

In the “old” days I remember a TV show (the name escapes me) that opened by mentioning that a con-man is a person who will slap you on the back with one hand and pick your pocket with the other. My personal experience is that the car dealer simply tries to maximize profits. Nothing wrong with that. My suggestion though, is to go the other way. lower initial profit and thus keep the customer with great service the rest of their life. Another thought. Give me the car free and I’ll marry you.

Many, many thanks for your visit. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Send me several thousand bucks and I’ll personally give you an electronic smile and a handshake. (Oh yes, I really do appreciate your visits.)

174 – Get Thousands of MPG

My car is a Buick Roadmaster. It was originally built to deplete the world supply of oil and now simply irritates owners every three to five miles when it needs gas. On the plus side, the Buick Roadmaster is the civilian equivalent of the famous M1 Tank and with its 5.7 liter engine, it can, when connected to a generator, power the the entire GM plant that produced the car. It gives one a genuine sense of entitlement!

Thanks for your continued interest in this blog! Any comments are hereby solicited and for those who have made comments, your new car is in the mail.

173 – Change the Weather!

Life really gets frustrating. yes? Like when you leave the house on a nice sunny morning only to kick your self for not taking the umbrella when it rains that afternoon. You know, don’t you, that the same kind of thing happens the other way around. You did, in fact, remember to bring the umbrella. What you forgot, however, was to take it inside with you. Now it’s raining more than at the time of the great flood and you are stuck in the office while your umbrella is outside protecting the inside of your car!

I’m looking forward to the time I can keep a supply of umbrellas — the house, the car, next to the tree half way between my house and my car. Or, I suppose I could just learn to love the rain. And oh yes, thanks for taking the time to visit. More to come.

172 – Cable TV 2

I’m not sure we could live without cable TV. It entertains. It educates. It stimulates. It keeps us informed and, late at night, we get to know all about erectile disfunction, fat, toenail fungus, buying houses with no money down, etc. I know it thrills me.

It won’t be too long before there will be 200 Naïve ads. I thought it might be a good idea (and one that saves me from having to create a new ad) if I had you all submit your list of the five best Naïve ads. You can go to my archives (on the right of the page) and check out some that you feel are the most memorable. I sure hope this works. I’d hate to have to post a blank page if no one submits their choice. Thanks for visiting.

171 – Full Service Morgue 3

There can be no doubt. A morgue is one of those places. You know. THOSE places. It isn’t a nice place to visit and you definitely wouldn’t live there, if you follow my meaning. But then again, there is always Mythington.

The american service of the BBC had an article the other day that caught my attention. They asked listeners to write in and help define the word “friend.” One person emailed: “A friend is someone who will help you move. A really good friend is someone who will help you move a body.” Well, in the colonies, we have a name for that kind of friend. We call them accomplices. As always, thanks for visiting here. Comment if you please, won’t you… please?

170 – New Radio Station

I once worked on air at at radio station and even owned a cable radio service. Of course, I had my own show — I said I owned it. One thing I’ve noticed over the years has been how much music tastes have changed. Some people ask “Why can’t everyone like acid rock and heavy metal?” while others really like that syrupy stuff. I personally prefer classical and talk. But I’m different so don’t go by what I say.Thank you ever so much for visiting and I hope what you see hasn’t scared you off. Maybe, some day, you’ll click in here and WOW! Your fancy will have been tickled.

169 – New Cars

I don’t buy new cars any more. I used to but, when I realized how much money I was throwing away, I decided to buy used. Then I realized how much money I was throwing away… in repairs. I still think a person CAN win… if they know how. And that is, I have discovered, the really hard part.

There have been 169 of these Naïve ads so far. Wow. I thought there might be, maybe, 20 or 30 of them in me but after I posted a few, I realized that they are just so much fun. Well, of course, some are a bit better than others. OK. A lot of them are not as good as some but none of them would have even happened if they weren’t fun to do! I hope you have had some share in the process and thank you for your visits. Let me know what you really think. I can always block you if I don’t agree. Just kidding.

168 – Mythington International Air

When I was young I entertained thoughts of being a pilot. Exciting job, snappy uniform, travel… and you got paid for it! Of course, that was fifth grade. Now, I’m old and grey and thinking a lot about the wisdom of being at 30,000 feet in a large winged tube with lots of volatile fuel and coughing passengers and, you know what? Hanging around here really doesn’t seem all that bad.

For some reason, the Tags and Categories don’t seem to work. It’s OK. I’ll know where these cartoons are. If you do happen to discover them, thanks for visiting. If you are a regular, wow! I didn’t expect that! But thanks for visiting also.

167 – Mathematically Challenged 2

There is no doubt that math was a foreign language for me in High School all those many years ago. Things have gotten better for me now that I’ve had the opportunity to age. Not only can I tie my shoes properly, I can actually balance my checkbook — on the rare occasions when there is money enough to spend the hour or so that’s necessary to do the calculations. But I digress. I love sales. They always make me wonder why the store owners felt comfortable ripping us off all the time the item sold at full price — and now, all of a sudden, they want to entice us in to the store (or want to get rid of stuff) so badly that they are willing to reduce the item 1/3, 1/2 or more! Everything must go! I’m thinking that it might have gone better much earlier if it had started out at 1/3. 1/2 or more in the first place.

I bought a pair of very expensive soft-sole shoes once. GREAT! They lasted for many, many miles longer than anything I had previously bought! The only problem I could detect was that they were… very expensive soft-sole shoes. I look forward to the day they are on sale for a tenth of my original purchase price or when I make more than a pauper. Thanks for staying around long enough to indulge me this blog. I appreciate your comments and your presence.

165 – Woody’s Legal Eagles

I’ve built many swimming pools and put many kids through college with all the attorney fees I’ve had to pay. It seems to me, however, the results have always been worth it. Now, however, money is at a premium so I check first if the attorney already has a pool and that the kids are already in college. Also, now I check that the attorney is not being sued — it helps my bottom line.

Just enough time to say thanks for visiting this blog. I’ve got my attorney on the phone and I’ve already bought most of a new 62 inch plasma HD TV for him.

150 – Rugby Insurance (Parody)

Hi again. No. I have not left the face of the planet… yet. Things are just somewhat challenging. I hope to continue, however.

The first rugby game I ever saw was in collage, in the rain. Playing in the rain should have told me something but the ambulance I saw at the far end of the stadium should have really told me something.

About midway in the game, the soggy pitch turned into a slither-fest of players trying to compensate for what was actually gravity on grease. A leg got itself broken somehow and the guys from the ambulance were prepared. They swooped onto the field, gathered up the poor player and carted him off to hospital.

At the end of the game they announced that he was alright. To my way of thinking, “alright” does not include a broken leg.

My apologies, again, for not posting on a regular basis. I can only hope you are still there. If you are there, thanks for your visit. If, for some reason you are not there — like you thought I’d chucked it all in and got a job — sorry. But I do hope you return. I’ll still try to post again.

147 – War Ship Spotted

War ships are dangerous things but when you stop and think about it, that is exactly what they are supposed to be. Because they are so dangerous, I try to behave myself and stay away from them. At the end of the day, they will win any argument!

Thanks for returning here even though I had nothing to offer you since Christmas. Busy holiday, busy times. The fact that you did return suggests that you really do need professional help but only you can decide that. While you are thinking it over, thanks for your support and come back soon for still another “Naïve” advert.

145 – Psychic Palm Reading

Once again I may be accused of misleading headlines. Well, so be it. “Psychic Palm Reading” is what it is called, but I have a feeling that someone will arrive here thinking that a psychic palm reading would be just the thing. Unfortunately, this is not the place. I mean, I could provide a psychic palm reading but this place isn’t real. It’s a joke!

I find myself in an “I’m sorry” mode again. As much as I have wanted to post more “Naïve” ads, I have been caught in a whirlwind of complications. I’ll try to un-complicate things but, who knows what will happen. Stick with me. We’ll tough it out somehow. There will be a brighter day. We’ll live through it. Oh. By the way, thanks for visiting.

144 – Smily Faces II

I’ve never understood the popularity of smily faces. The things are everywhere and people just love them. Now, I’m not a grouch, I don’t think, but after the initial impact and given a few weeks of recovery, once you’ve seen a smily face, you’ve pretty much seen them all. Over time the smily face has become the visual equivalent of an aphorism — a cliché. Don’t you just hate a cliché? Have a nice day.

This is an urgent call. Please, oh please. Write a comment, won’t you? If you do, I will make sure you are made an honorary citizen of Mythington complete with a certificate of a town key and a great big wet kiss from the town mayer, if desired. And Thanks for visiting this site. I really do appreciate anyone who isn’t serious enough to read this stuff.

143 – Lotto Ticket Investment Company

There is no doubt that with the downturn in the economy, more people will put money into the lotto. When you think about it, it is the only chance most people have of ever making that kind of money — even if they work their fingers to the marrow. On the other hand, I don’t play the lotto because I want the money. No. I play the lotto because it is a game and I play for fun. Really. I can’t think of a way to more enjoyably throw so much money away.

Now, if only you could find it in your heart to send me a bunch of money. I’ll buy lotto tickets and if I win, I would gladly give you a great big smile and a hand shake. While I await your generosity, I will take the time to thank you for visiting here. It’s nice to know that there are readers. Come back from time to time, yes?

142 – Mega Mic (Really Super Microwave)

We once cooked a holiday turkey. No. I did not forget to take out the little bag they hide in the cavity. That would be stupid. I forgot to remove the stuffing from the oven… until desert.

A quick word about the lateness of these posting as of late. Many of you know that I take care of my 92 year old mom. I’m not going to tell you that she has been staying out late and being brought home from the bar nearly every night by the police. OK? I’m not going to tell you that. But I will say that there seems a lot more to do lately and I can only find time to post these Naïve Ads in the evening. I do intend to keep plugging away at them and would be very encouraged by your comments. And, as usual, I will now use this space to say just four words of appreciation for your visits here. I appreciate your visits here. (I added the extra word because I really do appreciate your visits.)

141 – Mythington Home Security

Like a lot of young children, I was fascinated by a Codes and Cyphers book I found. I couldn’t get enough of it. Letter, word and number substitutions, mirror writing, disappearing ink — wow! This stuff captured me and provided unmeasured amusement . Growing up I stumbled on J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Hobbit” and translated the dwarf runes written on the book cover. Oh yes. Here is a tip: To read the memo below, use a mirror.

As I have said so many times before but never tire of saying, thank you for taking your time to visit this blog. Sometimes, I fall behind in putting these thingies together and for that I apologize. Your comments will be rewarded with many thousands of dollars, I’m pretty sure. So try to comment. You can’t lose and who knows, maybe the bucks will roll in.

140 – High Quality Riff-Raff

OK. Riff-Raff (stage name Richard O’Brien) was, for those of you who don’t know, a very colorful writer of, and character in, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” movie. The Riff-Raff in this “Naïve” ad is not intended to reflect poorly on Mr. O’Brien. Rather, it is descriptive of a kind of person who has earned an unsavory reputation (see Riff-Raff in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” To my way of thinking, “High Quality” Riff-Raff is really the only type to hang with — that is socially and from a corrections point of view.

…”Rocky Horror” was, indeed, one weird movie. I don’t suppose that I saw it more than 43 times and am still very suspicious when my car gets a flat at night, in the rain. But it is a great deal of fun. You should see it some midnight (If it is new to you, check http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073629/ (and watch the trailers) before even thinking about going — and go with a rain coat, of course). While I wait for that to happen, I do want to thank you for taking the time to visit here. I makes me glad to know that someone other than me actually looks at these things. Comments are encouraged.

139 – We’ll Flaunt It

Advertising is such an exciting sport. Some day, just for the fun of it, count the number of ads you are exposed to in, lets say, one full hour. Don’t forget to include the brands on your coffee maker, the butter on your toast, the bread, butter knife your watch, your washing machine. Turn on the radio or TV. Be sure you include the beer, the skin cleanser, and the hemorrhoid treatment. And, oh yes. The name of your radio or TV and the station. You just can’t get away from something related to advertising. And one more thing. You are reading “Addifferent: When Advertising was Naïve.”

I just thought I’d spend a moment or two thanking you for visiting here. I try to do one or two each day — but sometimes skip a day or two. It’s fun to poke fun and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Make comments if you wish. I can take it.

138 – Kiss Of Death Steakhouse

I do a lot of cooking at home but I (excuse the word) “relish” going out to eat at a really good dress-up, sit-down restaurant. Italian is my heritage and my preference. But at my age now, I’ve discovered that gravity pulls down harder than it used to and that my belts and pants are somehow getting smaller. And I have made a most remarkable discovery concerning all this. I happen to see one of those weight to height health tables. It clearly shows that I have failed over these years to reach to my full intended stature. I am currently working hard to grow taller and figure it will only take seven more inches for me to arrive at my proper weight to height ratio!

Well, after looking at myself in the mirror, I can say with confidence that I am not too large to say thanks for visiting this blog. Most days I am able to produce one or two “Naïve” ads. Your comments are encouraged since getting comments will certainly encourage me to continue. Thanks for your support and feel free to return tomorrow for more of this inconsequential falderal. (Don’t worry. I had to look up “falderal.” I’m paraphrasing here, but essentially, “falderal” means “When Advertising Was Naïve.”)

137 – Have Operation Done On Layaway (Parody)

No. Hospitals don’t do operations on layaway. I know that… but if they did, I could start paying on heart, lungs, liver, even the brain. You just never know when something will go bad. In this “Naïve” ad, the Surgery Den is clearly on the the side of potential patients. Look at what they offer. FREE organ removal. Ask your local hospital to match that! And while two operations would be genuinely expensive, the Surgery Den provides two for a single low price. There are no low prices at our local hospital. I checked.

You are encouraged to comment. I’d like that. Perhaps you have something to say. Perhaps you just want to put me in my place. Either way, something happens and something is always better than nothing. To help things along, I would be happy to reward you with a check but as you have probably guessed, I’m pretty much broke. So while I’d be happy, to do so would make me quite unhappy. On the other hand, it would be just another overdraft fee.

136 – Make New Friends

If you arrived here because of the title “Make New Friends” and you were looking for new friends, I can only suggest that we become friends. I try to publish one new “Naïve” ad parody each day and I hope that this might appeal to you. If, on the other hand, it isn’t all that appealing, we can still be friends, only maybe not that close.

Once again, thank you for returning after I returned from my T-Day vacation and the Turkey stupor that it caused. I am glad that someone, anyone, reads these “Naïve” little ads. They are fun to do and, I hope, fun for you to read. With any luck, there will be another one tomorrow!

135 – Military Two ‘fer One Sale

I know it’s now common practice to throw darts at the military for allowing and paying excess costs. I think the facts really demonstrate that the military is usually more cautious about spending than incautious. It’s true that I’ve never bought a super aircraft carrier. Actually, I can’t remember ever purchasing a supersonic jet, a tank or a submarine either. I did buy a slotted screwdriver once for 99¢ but that was some time ago and I’m sure prices have gone up since then.

The most recent holiday is now over and I am, like so many others, suffering turkey overdose — no known cure, no known treatment. And yet, I am looking forward to the the several turkey sandwich days to come. It must also be addictive, me thinks. I’m glad you returned here after this short holiday vacation. I will continue to try to post one of these “naïve” ads each day — as best I can. Your comments help. Check back tomorrow.

134 – So Much

Yes, I know it’s a cop out. Really, though, I’ve got stuff that just has to be done. Really. So I’ll try much harder on my return. I will. I promise. And I won’t forget that you’ve been tuning in to this blog. I appreciate the effort you take to visit. I do hope it’s not just to see if I’ve stopped!

133 – Mythington Bank Motto

I remember my first bank account. I gave them the money and they gave me a fee schedule. I got the impression that they really wanted more money and I had a fleeting thought that they should be paying me to hold my money since they intended to invest it and make… oh wait, I get it. Banks are out to make money!

This is a weekend and the day seems to drag out. So little to do and so much time in which to do it. But I like it that way. I mean, if I were some other person I might have to solve a financial crisis but because I am me, there is no financial crisis — you have to have money to have a financial crisis. Being broke precludes a crisis. I’ve got a “No Money” crisis and that’s easy to solve. All you have to do is… oh wait, I forgot. I always say “Thanks for visiting this blog” and I almost forgot to tell you that. Now, where was I? Ahhhhh….