119 – Attack Trained Killer Watch Fish

I had an Oscar once. Brought it up from a baby. It recognized that I was the benefactor and, as such, would come to where I was standing near the aquarium. I was the feeder so Oscar gave me the attention. I sure wish I could have walked ‘ole Oscar but, so far as I know, nobody has invented a leash for fish walking — mine was about two pounds and could have walked had it had feet. Well, that was many years ago and it’s sad to say, Oscar is not with us any more. We all miss… oh wait. Oscar was just a fish

AAs many of you know, I try to do one or two of these thingies each day. Your support is important. Please send $100,000 or more to me as soon as you can. Thanks. And thanks for taking the time to visit this blog. I really do appreciate it. Please help spread the word. Link to here, make comments, and whatever you do, don’t forget to send the $100k.

118 – Lotto-Like Wallpaper

Oh no, not another lotto cartoon! Well yes I do have an obsession with the subject. But think about this. In all my miserable life I don’t think I will ever disturb my position as a pauper. I don’t care how much basketball I play or tiddlywinks I tiddle, I’ll never make it into the big leagues with the accompanying big bucks. The lotto is my only shot at the big time. I don’t want to shuffle off this mortal coil without ever having been a contender, Stella.

To the returning visitors, I thank you. To the new visitors, I apologize but this site is what it is but on the plus side, there is no way it can make you fat. Thanks for visiting and come again. (Click on No Comments, below, to comment. If it simply says “Comments” followed by a number, click on “Comments” anyway and add your comments to the hundreds that are already there.

117 – A Political Announcement

At the time of this writing, there is a highly exciting national election. In a few days it will be old news and readers of these few lines will already know the outcome. I don’t know the outcome. I am confident, however, that in a few days I’ll be in the enlightened group. I do want to make a recommendation to everyone. VOTE. That is directed to those of you who are reading this now, not later. VOTE. If you are reading this later but not later than too late, VOTE. If you are reading this after it is time to vote and you did vote. GREAT. If you are reading this after the time to vote, then, VOTE NEXT TIME. (I really have a problem sorting out this time thing but I’m pretty sure I got it right.)

Thank you for your voting if you are reading this after it is time to vote. Oh, wait. Thank you any time for voting. It’s the right thing to do, and, oh yes, thanks for taking the time to visit here.

116 – Mythington Snail House Restaurant

Going out to eat has always been a genuine pleasure. Think about it. You get about $10 worth of elegantly prepared food delivered to you by a waiter with panache in an impressive sophisticated dress up, sit down atmosphere and a mellow Haydn “La Roxelane” wafting in the background (hat tip to http://gregsandow.com/dinner_music.htm) and all you have to do is come up with $212.92 (wine included). I know I really look forward to that given that I have $10 and some plastic in my billfold. Life goes on,

The eating holidays are approaching (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all those others that surround the end of the year) and while I do give thanks for them, I feel I must diverge for a moment and thank you for spending a few moments here. It is appreciated.

115 – Prize Sweepstakes

I want to win the lotto in the worst way and I realize there are other folks out there that have a similar desire. OK. Let them win… later. It’s a nice big amount now and it will be a nice big amount sometime later on as well. So, except for their greed, it should make no difference to them if I win now. They will have their chance later. With that settled, I now need the right numbers. I don’t like the way they run the lotto. We are suppose to pick the same numbers that they pick. That’s absurd. The reason they have so few winners is that it’s a lot harder to pick their numbers than it looks. It would certainly be a lot easier if the Lotto Commission simply called me up with the correct numbers. I would play them and that way, all those people who would normally buy tickets could could skip this week and save their money. Lotto Commission, I await.

Your continued support is continually welcome. Thank you for providing it. Don’t be shy about commenting on the postings. I appreciate constructive criticism and won’t make any effort at all to find out who you are or where you live. Posts from the past can be found in the archives — can you believe there are 115 of them. What is this world coming to?

114 – Your Call Is Important To Us

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve waited for the people at the other end to answer at the other end. And then there is the automated voice. “Please listen carefully as our menu has changed.” And there is the classic: “If you want _____ (fill in the blank), press ONE. If you want ______ (fill in the blank), press TWO, etc.” Well, I want ______ (I’ll fill in the blank) and that’s not one of their choices. Now, after listening through five menu choices with three or four sub-choices you come to my favorite: “If you wish to speak with someone in person, please stay on the line and someone will be with you in a moment.” Think this through. Of course I’m going to stay on the line. They never offered me ______ as a choice and I called in the first place BECAUSE I WANTED TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE!

No wait here. Thank you for visiting. If you wish to make a comment, please press one (or better still, click where it says “Comment” just below this post and type in your comment. Again, thanks.

113 – Deposed Dictators Club

Boy, things are really bad when a deposed dictator is offered a club membership! I mean, what did they ever do? Well, actually, now that I think of it, they were head of a country at one time. I suppose that should count for something. Now the fact that they were ruthless, despicable, beastly, representations of the worst humanity can produce, should not necessarily block their membership in an exclusive membership club. On the other hand, it should block their membership in the human race.

Once again you have ventured to this site. Why do you treat yourself that way? You know what happens when you hit your head against a brick wall. Right. The same thing that happens when you visit here. But, given that you have put yourself at risk, I thank you.

112 – Camp Legerdemain

Planning for the future is so important. You want to have as many kids as you can possibly afford. I like kids. They make really great pets. Once they’re old enough to find their way back home on their own, you can send them to the store for milk and they will very often come back with both the milk and most of the change. Send a dog to the store to do the same thing and you never know what will happen.

Thank you for visiting. Your encouragement is what makes this list of thingies (now at 112) possible. I added a “Recent Posts” section over on the right to make it easier to check out any of the last 14. For all of the cartoons, check out the archives. Again, I’m glad for your continued visits and you have a great big smile and a handshake for your loyalty.

111 – Mythington Home Mortgage Division (parody)

Your house is your biggest investment unless you happen to be an elected official trying to hide something. As such, it is hard to keep up with all the expenses associated with keeping a house, unless, of course, you are an elected official trying to hide something in which case it is very, extremely hard. Technically, your house should appreciate in value over time. Clearly, in these days, that’s not working out as predicted. Here is a solution. Next time you buy a house, do a Buy One, Get One Free. So, if house One drops half of it’s value and house Two also drops half of its value, you still have… no, wait. Thats not going to work either.

I’m trying to be very careful with some of these. I don’t want to give the impression that they are even remotely real. THIS IS A PARODY. It is part of this series of cartoons called “Addifferent: When Advertising Was Naïve.” If you are a frequent visitor here, you already know this and yet you come here anyway. Strange. If you are new here, welcome. Scroll down and visit some of the earlier postings or go to the archives to the right. It is just for fun and intended to lighten your day. And, I always say thank you when you visit. Try to get that from a bill collector when you’re really late!

110 – Rare Movie Find

Movies are a real treat for me. I have a collection of better than 600 of them and I love to take them out and re-watch them. Even when I know the story line, it is fun to see how the movies is carried out. One of my all time favorites is the 1997 version of Titanic. No matter how often I run it, the ship still goes down. Now think about it. I know how it turns out. They obviously know how it turns out. It must have gone down dozens of times. Wouldn’t you think they would figure out some way of saving the ship?

Once again I must apologize for my tardiness in producing these thingies. I got tooooo close to someone or something that carried cold germs. My advice to you is to wash your hands and your eyes after viewing this. Just because I have a cold is no reason you should have one also. But, please accept my thanks for visiting here. I’ll clean it up and eliminate as many germs as possible so your next visit will be less hazardous.

109 – Win $250,000 (a parody)

THIS IS A PARODY. I tell you this to calm those of you checking in here and thinking “Hey! This could be my big break!” Well, it could be but, sorry, it’s only a parody of advertising. Had it been the real thing you would have found me at the head of the line. There is no line. No $250,000. In fact, there isn’t even a Joe’s Mythington Outlet, Mythington Advertising Co.. Mythington, IN or, sad to say, George Bill. (My real name is at the bottom of the panel at the right. — Clever way to get you to read that panel, isn’t it?) So, if I happen to find two sure fire $250,000 giveaways, I’ll let you know about one of the. Check back here.

So, if you arrived here through hope of riches or if you are a regular visitor or even just a visitor, THANK YOU for taking the time. I try to put out one or two of these each day. If you’ve missed any of them, there are many either in the scroll or in the archives. Check them out and feel free to comment. There is an unconfirmed rumor that people who comment could win $250,000. Imagine that.

108 – NOT Joe’s Mythington Outlet

I’ve noticed a somewhat irritating phenomenon. When I sometimes go to one of those map sites for location information, and then follow what I found, I wind up quite lost. The wanted address isn’t always at the location promised. Sometimes the house isn’t there. Other times the street isn’t there. I’ve called the people at the address I want and have been assured that they are at the address I want and further, that they are not deliberately avoiding me because I may be a bill collector, the police or, worse yet, a cartoon writer.

Once again we come to the part where I thank you only this time I want you to be convinced that I am truly sincere so, rather then pass along a simple thank you, please accept THANK YOU for visiting this blog!

107 – Moon Property For Sale

Outer space and things related to space travel have excited me since I was quite young. In the early days people actually went into outer space in capsules about the size of a bathtub. They had no television then to take with them and popping out for a Big Mac was out of the question. Except for radio contact, it was worse than being sent to your room. In your rum, at least, you could stretch out on your bed. In the early space capsules you were cramped in and had only a very thin sheet of metal between you and total oblivion! Ah… those were the days!

I know I was late yesterday and kept you waiting for new thingies. Today I posted two to make up for my tardiness. I am obligated to tell you that I will do it again, though I don’t know when. It so happens that chores sometime come up — I mean, I think it’s important to clean the bathroom at least once a year, don’t you?

106 – Giant Home Decorating Trees

As many of you know, I am a reformed former married person. While married however, I did discover the excitement of seeing flowers bloom in the spring. They had been blooming for many years before that, I presume, but somehow, I only just noticed them. Turns out, watching grass grow still isn’t all that fun but watching flowers become real things, that is fun in a slow kind of way.

Thanks for taking the time to take the time to view this site. There is some effort needed to dig out this link and visit it. and I do appreciate it. As I have said, I try to present you with one or two of these every day. Some, I know, will be less than some others. Others will. I know, will be better. It will be your skill that determines which is which!

105 – Giant Moving Sale

I’ve moved many times in my life but only one time did I employ a professional moving company. When deciding to do something like that, you naturally figure “Boy, this is going to be easy.” Well, at least I didn’t have to carry the boxes. But I used the economy plan. This meant that they carried the boxes and I did all the rest. Box packing. You know, there is a lot of work putting things in boxes. Sorting through it all, throwing out junk. The hardest part was reminiscing over all that stuff. It’s been many, many years now and maybe I should throw out all those boxes I marked “Throw Out.”

Hope you’ve been enjoying these thingies. They are certainly fun to do. So. thanks much for visiting here so often and why don’t you get a life? No, actually, I very glad that you take the time to visit here. If you’ve a mind to, please keeep it up.

104 – Nuclear Waste Duffle Bags

Why is it that when getting an x-ray, the staff always hides behind a lead-lined partition? Yes, I know. They are concerned that when taking x-rays all day long, some of the stray rays could accumulate. They tell us that we are only getting a little but, over the long day, they could be getting a lot. OK. I’ll buy that. But what about all those x-rays that aren’t used. Yeah, what about them, eh? They’re probably stacking up on the floor or behind the chairs or somewhere, maybe sticking to our shoes. For all I know, I’m tracking those little buggers all over the building! They really need to be more carefull.

Sorry about this post being so late. Again, like any normal human being, I had chores to do today and then I was just sooo tired. You see, there was that car accident and the baby I had to deliver and I won’t even go into that bank robbery I foiled. Yes, a full day indeed. Anyone would get tired. But I’m not too tired to thank you for visiting this site. Now that you are here, please take some more time to leave a comment, link to this page, tell a few hundred friends about the site and have a nice day.

103 – Beethoven Concert

I really love classical music concerts. I’m not sure what all goes on in them but I do get the feeling that something is going on. I’m not a generalist when it comes to classical. No. I favor Vivaldi, Bach, Handel and especially Arcangelo Corelli. Yes, vary Baroque. Like fine art, I’m not sure what it is but, I know it when I hear it. I am looking forward to the concert below. I’m calling the Scalp Line now for tickets.

We now are in full swing. The 200th post is only… well, almost 200 away but we’ll get there somehow. I’d appreciate it if we could do it together. I appreciate your company. Remember, linking to this blog helps to get it into Google. Also, if you are a Facebook or Myspace member (or half a dozen other such social net spots, mentioning http://wjfconsulting.com (which will get you here). It will be a great service and will be rewarded by a chain letter in your name sent to ten of my closest friends. (I’m going to the phone book right now to see if I can find ten friends to get the ball started). Thanks for visiting.

102 – Get Really Physical In Business… Really

There are really big businesses where people advance through the ranks by stabbing those higher up the chain and then using the imbedded stiletto as a climbing rung. (Pretty graphic if not written well.) Then there are the companies where advancement is an issue of merit and perhaps you show up for work because that is where you want to be. You take a vacation if forced. You work through your 15 minute break. You are happy. If you are the latter and not the former, make a comment here. No need to identify your self, your town or your exact business but stating the general nature of what you do or your general geographic area would be nice. Perhaps others might gain from your reflections.

It is very to believe that we’ve come this far. 102 postings. I didn’t think I could do more than 101 of them! Now that is something to celebrate! But I digress. This is just a reminder that you can, if you want, make a comment by clicking the “No Comment” or “Comments” link below. I won’t tell anyone if you do make a comment. Also, linking to this blog from your blog would help spread the word. Calling up your local Radio and TV stations to tell them about this blog would be a tremendous help. Do that, or not do that, we’re still friends and I thank you for visiting.

101 – Mythington Grocery

With the big stores open 24rs and the little stores closing at five or nine in the evening, it seems to me that the little stores are going to have to specialize if they want to continue… do something really special. Perhaps they could sell, oh, I don’t know, perhaps chicken parts imported from France. They could have certificates of certification, really cool wrapping paper with a waterproof silk liner, partially cooked in front of the customer on a really noisy silver embossed fry pan and have a very, very, very high price tag. It could work. I’m sure it could.

Well, this is post 101. There will be more to come if “the car don’t careen, the ‘puter don’t stop ‘putin, and the mind don’t go more feeble.” Yes, I know it’s in quotes but, believe it or not, I just made up all that last part. You know, there are times that I just can’t control myself. This was one of them. Did you notice? And no, I did not forget to say thanks. Here it comes… thanks for visiting this site. I do appreciate it.

100 – Special Announcement

There comes a time when a person is just a bit short on the the “What To Do Next” part. In this case, it was clear an ordinary posting just would not do. On the other hand, to post an extraordinary post would, for me, be quite… astonishing. After hours of extraordinary thought, I developed this rather astonishing post. Then the problem was, shall I actually post it? Would the readers be somehow underwhelmed by its lack of whemlingness? Then I thought, “I’ve got to post something and this is the thing that I’ve got. In the end, I decided not to post it. Rather, I had a good friend do it for me… and it only cost me $50 for him to do it!

I take up the cause with more thingies so, check back in from time to time, assuming you actually want to check back in and the hypnotic suggestion which I so cleverly implanted doesn’t really work. I do want to take the time to thank you for taking the time to visit here.

99 – Choose Arborwood Correctional Facility

At the time of this writing the economy is really tanked. I’m sure more and more financial professionals will find themselves counting the days till their release date. I, for one, do not intend to place the blame on anyone. I believe money is the problem. If the government would just give each newborn a starter kit of $5,000 in stock and allow that money to accumulate compound interest and the parents were to contribute to the account — for the good of the kid, the chances of having a gob of money at retirement would greatly increase. Then, instead of counting days to release our kids could count days to Aruba.

Look at that. It’s number 99!! Imagine that. 99 postings to this blog. I’m awe struck. I’ve got to sit down. It’s made me a wreck! I’ve got to rest. Wait. I’ve got things to do. What all do I have to do? I better get started… and oh yes. Thanks for visiting this blog. ‘Glad I remembered that!

98 – Orthodontic Foreign Policy

I remember going to the dentist once and Novocain was required. After that I was on my way to fill up my car. As I was standing there with the pump nozzle in one hand I absentmindedly scratched my cheek with my credit card and actually cut myself. What a surprise. The dentist told me it would be while before the Novocain would ware off but totally neglected to mention that my credit card was a physically dangerous instrument.

I’m getting really excited. The 100th blog post is just two away. I just gotta get something pulled together for it. We’ll see. While I wait in eager anticipation, I want to thank you for your visit to this blog. Without you, I would be the only reader of these thingies.

97 – Going Out Of Business Again

My dad had a TV repair business when I was young. He was doing well considering that he had never gone past the second grade in school. Someone opened a competing TV repair business in our little town and I thought about it for some time. It seemed to me that they should have had more thoughtfulness. We were there first. What business did they have in starting a competing business? Oh to be little again when reasoning out such things was so simple.

Wow again. This is number 97! Honestly, I have no idea how to celebrate the too soon to arrive 100th anniversary of my first posting right here some 25 years ago. With just three to go, someone help!! Well, anyway, thanks for visiting. I appreciate it muchly. — Oh, there I go. I’m so flustered about the anniversary, I’m drifting into using adverbs! Gotta watch that carefully.

96 – Talk Is Cheap

I’m putting an end to all of the rumors right now. What rumors you may ask? Well, obviously I can’t tell you since to do so would not put an end to to the rumors, now would it?. However, since talk is cheap, for just a little money, I’d be delighted to spill all the beans.

As we approach blog post number 100, I am thinking to myself, “What the #@^&%@ was I thinking.” I have absolutely no idea how to celebrate the event. I thought about giving away a new car but that is so common. Besides, car give-a-ways are so crass. They don’t do that to make you happy — they jut do it to draw attention to the car. No, I have to have something sincere for the 100th posting. Mom said it best. We’ll see.

95 – Free Money Right Now!

You know, I really feel badly about this one. It’s deceptive, misleading, disingenuous, sneaky, fraudulent and, perhaps, mendacious! Yes, it’s all of these things and then some so you can see why I might have a twinge of conscience in publishing it on this blog. On the other hand… it was kinda fun.

I guess I have to say a really sincere THANK YOU for visiting this blog because of my unscrupulous, underhanded publication of this post. It really wasn’t honest of me but, you know, you can’t believe just how giddy it has made me feel. You are encouraged to comment.

94 – Software Release

The PC is basically a Personal Confuser (thank you Leo Laporte) and I have believed for many years that a chalkboard was actually best. The problem has been getting the chalkboard to transmit messages. It is better to use a computer, I know, but don’t you long for the days when we could kick back, light up the old oil lamp and read those letters the postal person delivered when his horse made it to the house. Oh yes, those were the days.

This is Thank You note number 94. As long as you intend to visit here I intend to thank you for doing so. You can’t talk me out of it and that is that! (Six more to go to make it to 100. Aren’t you excited?

93 – Kazoo Symphony

I’m really impressed with the workings of a symphony orchestra. In the past, I remember telling you about how complicated it all seems to me. I also consider that the arrangement of the orchestral piece is a complete mystery. It is, in my estimation, totally impossible for a human being to know how a composition will sound when played by all those instruments… without first hearing all those instruments playing the composition. Maybe it’s like making red beans and rice. Not being a cook, I don’t know how that is done either.

Thanks for visiting. Remember, it is an an unwritten rule that you make a comment about these offerings. Ooops, I guess it’s written now!

92 – Fisherman’s Bundle

No human being on this earth can top a good fishing trip. That is just the way it is. Or so I’m told. You see, fishing never caught on with me (and yes, I did intend that pun). My dad fished all the time and thoroughly enjoyed it. He advised me that the best fishing was not done in the winter but rather the summer. He said the that the only ice fishing he’d ever do would be bring it along to keep his beer cold.

Just a quick reminder. I try to add a new thingie or two each day. How many and if depends on the chores. But I do try. Secondly, you simple must make comments (they can be entered by clicking on the “No Comments” link below. That is, if there are, in fact no comments. If, on the other hand, there are comments, the link will say “Comments.” When sober these directions really do make sense. Thanking you in advance, I, once again, thank you.

91 – Mythington Carpenter Ants of Mythington

Building and remodeling is an enormous amount of fun. It gives you an opportunity to test your anger limit and, at the same time, learn if your blood pressure really can go above 200 without immediate serious consequences. By the way, sometimes it can but that event is not particularly recommended.

Please note: there are only ten more posts until the big 100th post post. My immediate plans are to have a very large rock group, a large stadium, and ten or fifteen amp PA system to celebrate. Maybe a 20 amp system, I just don’t know how many people will come. Oh. I nearly forgot. Thanks for viewing this blog. You will continue to have a long and productive life as a result.

90 – Moats & Things

Castles have always fascinated me. All that stone work. Glass free windows. The dampness and cold. All those animals wandering around. The neighbors always wanting to storm you and not to mention the odd arrow through the window. And NO ELEVATORS! Now that would have been the life.

I live in an apartment that I will soon divide in half so I can rent the back portion. The idea is, well, the idea is to get some money happening. The economy is at a point now that being a bum just falls short of being comfortable so I intend to move up into the entrepreneurial classes. Now, when it is all finished, I intend to thank everyone for their support. In fact, I’ll start right now by thanking you for finding the time to look in on this blog. I do appreciate it and hope you come back often.

89 – A Name You Will Not Soon Forget

OK, OK, OK. This one is a little hard to understand. I know. But take your time. Read carefully. And, after a while you will wind up just as befuddled about it as I am.

Well, lets see. This is number 89! Just eleven away from the big one hundred! I am busy planning the details of the celebration. I’m not even really sure what I’m going to do however, but the anticipation of the big day is already getting to me. I’d welcome suggestions. It has to be something that costs nothing, G rated, interesting and did I mention it has to cost nothing. Thanking you for visiting this blog, I am… thanking you for visiting this blog.