81 – Trade Your House

At this moment in time the housing market is depressed to the point of being downright depressing. I always thought that you could buy a house and, in ten years, the value of the house would be higher than your original purchase price. Well, it isn’t anymore! Housing is dropping like a rock. So now my strategy is to wait long enough for house prices to drop to zero. Then I’ll be able to afford one!

As per my normal inclination, thank you for spending a few moments here. You are cordually invited to link, comment, and/or invite your friends and/or neighbors to visit also… or else!

80 – Cholesterol City Burgers

There is no doubt that fast food has made an enormous contribution to the American waistline. But where, really is the fault? We live in a fast-paced world and fast food restaurants just reflect our need to hurry. Some say that we, as individuals, are the cause of expanding tummies. I think it’s the fast food restaurants.

I you are new to this blog, I’d like to mention that I try to post one or two of these thingies each day. Sometimes I blow it completely but, for the most part, it’s been working out. It would be nice if you made a comment or linked to this page or told you friends and family about it. Come, join us and experience each new thingie. And, oh yes, I also try to say thanks for taking the time to visit here. Thanks for taking the time to visit here.

79 – Hurricane Cruises

I’ve never been on a cruise. My daughter tells me that they are very much fun kind of things. She is, however, young enough to have expectations. At my age, the best I could hope for is that the Captain doesn’t ask me to go to the bow and watch out for any icebergs as we approach the Bahamas!

Sorry for the late post. I had a lot of chores to get done today. OK. I know. Doing chores and generally being responsible is no excuse. I have a responsibility to get these thingies done. So, I’m posting this one in the hope that you will understand and forgive. Thank you. Link or comment if you like. I’ll thank you for that as well.

78 – Le Ocean Blue

Vacations are a highlight. They interrupt work in the best way possible and we basque in their memories. I am fully in favor of vacations! Work, on the other hand is work. Very few of us would insist on skipping two weeks in sunny (name your island) and say, “No, I think I’d rather stay and work.” Clearly, anyone who does say that is in dire need of a vacation!

In all my work life I’ve been on only two real vacations. One was to the east coast and it was quite enjoyable. The other was in bed with pneumonia. Of the two, I think I’d pick the first if asked to do it again. No. I would not need to think. I would go east and that is that!

77 – Do-It-Yourself Plane Kit

I wish I could say something about do-it-yourself kits. I have always admired those who get into this kind of stuff but for me, no. I’ve seen their instructions. Cut this, sand that, prime this, paint that. I mean, wouldn’t be easier to just buy this, buy that, sit back, enjoy a mint julep. That is something I could get into.

Once again I’m impressed. Even though you know what you are getting into, you still come back to visit these thingies. To those of you who don’t come back, I want to say, I haven’t done anything wrong AND I won’t do it again! Really. I’ll change… maybe.

76 – Wood Floors Need Special Care (Ad Parody)

I’m really worried about this. “Wood Floors Need Special Care” is going to be found by someone looking for special care for wood floors. If that has happened, I apologize. This is nothing more than a fun place to visit that looks at advertising in a sober, straight forward, honest, completely unbiased, scientific way. Just scroll down and/or look at the archives listed on the right. You can clearly see the truth of what I’m feeding you.

Thanks for visiting. Please follow this blog, link to this blog, comment on this blog or, well, otherwise take note of this blog.

75 – Sweepstakes

I thought it only appropriate that on the occasion on this 75th “When Advertising Was Naïve” I would publish a Sweepstakes. There is nothing more exciting in life than thinking “You Could Be A Winner!.” I know that the chances of winning are next to astronomical, but I can’t help thinking that someone has to win, why not me. Over the years I made a major discovery and I am now revealing it to you. You can never win. Winners are always from some other state, city, town or whistle-stop. Check it out. How many of you actually know someone who has won big time? That’s what I thought. Winners always come from somewhere else!

Actually, I have met others who have won but there is one irrefutable fact. None of them were me. Be that as it may, I still intend to tell you thank you for visiting this blog. You are appreciated!

74 – 167,000 Man-Years of Experience

Experience in this case simply means years on the inside looking out. Experience is a peculiar thing. I once burned my hand on a hot iron. This was a bad experience. However, the experience has stayed with me these many years and, to my knowledge, I have yet to burn my hand on a hot iron again. Therefore, the experience was a good thing. Life is really complicated and, while experience is sometimes a good thing, I don’t look forward to poking myself in the eye with a stick. That puts me back to an experience of the bad kind even though it would probably be good later on since I presume I would learn from it, thus making it a good experience (in a bad kind of way).

Wow. 74 posts! Too soon to celebrate an important milestone (75 posts) yet, getting this far is important to me. I hope you were looking forward to a “thank you,” because, wait, wait…….. now THANK YOU for visiting these posts, even though it is less than an important anniversary.

73 – Garbage Galleria

Did you ever have one of those days when everything went right? Me neither. Going through life is hard for most of us but it is nice when you win a few things in a row. I’m looking forward to the day that when I get out of bed my feet hit the floor first — and not my butt! I guess we just have to keep on keeping on.

What was the TV ad, “Thank you for your support.” I do appreciate when you take time out of your life to visit here. I only use Twitter (http://twitter.com/WJFConsulting) to give notices of new posts so when you tell your friends and families about these posts it really helps. I know I’ve got to figure other ways of promoting it and I suppose I find them as time goes by. Thanks again.

72 – Discriminating Despots

I don’t think I ever met a real despot. I did have a boss once that was probably the son of one, however. I remember that he expected people (read that employees) to shake their heads yes every time he climbed Mt. Olympus, which was part of his daily exercise schedule. There came a point when I no longer knew how to jump to his cadence so I fired him and sought poverty elsewhere.

I appreciate your continued showing up at these quarters. It’s always nice to know old friends are visiting. I’d like to make many more old friends. Please let your friends know where to find this blog and I promise you, your friends will also have the joy of being thanked.

71 – Winning Lotto Ticket Guaranteed

I admit to fantasies of a big lotto win. I mean, think about it. Just when will I ever have a chance of working hard enough to make millions of dollars? It just isn’t going to happen. I’m far too old and far, far too lazy. So, like many others I dream that one day, the big bucks will be mine. Yes, I know it will likely never happen, but not buying a ticket guarantees that it won’t happen — unless, yes, just maybe, one day the lotto commission decides to pick my name at random from the telephone directory. Hummmm.

I hope you are not getting tired of me thanking you. I enjoy it and you seem to smile every time I say write it. THANK YOU!

70 – Acme

Big, big, big. Sometimes that is all we ever hear. “We have the biggest burger,” It’s the biggest cruse ship on the planet,” It’s the biggest game of the season.” Give me a little break. What ever happened to “Less is more”? Well, I can’t really take time for all this. I’ve got a very big loan to pay for not to mention a huge credit card bill because of the cost of gasoline.

Your comments are a BIG part of wanting to do these little thingies. Here is a BIG thanks to those who take a little time to write. Also a great BIG thanks to those who view these. It’s a BIG mental health risk you are taking.

69 – Gamblers Synonymous

I don’t consider spending a dollar or two on the lotto to be gambling, as such. I rationalize it as my way of telling the state that I want the money in the jackpot. If I didn’t tell them, do you suppose they would ever come knocking at my door? Do I expect to win? Not likely. So, you may ask, why even do it? Well let me tell you a bit of a story. My dad was a mechanic. As I was growing up, I would hear him, from time to time, say in the most articulate way @#%!@!!. Now, after a while he would stop. This happened again and again through the years. Now I ask you, if @#%!@!! didn’t work, why would he keep saying it all that time? I play for the same reason my dad would sware. He knew that some day it would work… if he just kept it up.

If my dad were here, he would say @#%!@!!. But, sadly he is not. So, I will say what he taught me, THANK YOU for visiting this blog. (What? Did you think I was going to say @#%!@!!. Well, I’m not a barbarian! My dad wasn’t either. But he did know how to thank people. He taught me that over the years also.)

68 – Lowest Prices

Once again… the quest for a bargain! I really like the line from the movie Arthur. I think it goes: “I wish I had a dime for every dime I’ve spent.” I can pass up a bargain… but I won’t. It seems that if they want to sell something for less, they have a right to what little money I have left. It’s just the nature of things. What can I do?

The viewing numbers are climbing slowly. We can top more than two! Come on guys. Call up your friends. (I’ve called both of mine.) Let them know about this blog! We can get to three, I just know we can! Oh wait. We passed three some time ago. I don’t know what I was thinking. Oh yes I do. THANK YOU for visiting. (I just didn’t know how to say it!)

67 – Brain Removal

To paraphrase Mark Twain, the brain is a valuable thing so I try not to use mine very much. I did go to college and cannot honestly remember much of it. No. I was not in a fog! It’s just that my experiences outside of my classes had more of an impact on who I am that my academic classes. But, you know? The very fact that I can make that observation means college must have had some impact. I think, therefore I… I can’t remember the rest of it.

I want to send out a special thanks to the person in the “Lotto Magic program.” I take your comment as a compliment and sincerely hope it was meant that way. If it wasn’t, you’re probably not reading this and like the tree falling in the woods, my note, therefore, was not really written. Anyway, everyone in the entire world really ought to visit your website at:    http://mysite.verizon.net/vze7jl7d/jumpstartadvertising/    and, if you are reading this, AND you really did mean it, THANK YOU.

66 – Now Accepting Applications

My first real job brought me $450 a month. At the end of the first contract I got a raise to $500 per month. And it was always paid at the end of the month. It would be very hard to live on such a paltry sum these days but my employer at the time thought it was near princely.  I thought that it was… well, paltry. I guess it makes a difference on which side of the dollar you’re standing.

As a new visitor to this blog, I’ll bet you are saying to yourself, “What the….” Well, sorry to say, this is the sorry thing you clicked to. You are invited to stick with it, however. I know that with experience, it will get better. I just know it will. OK, I hope it will.

65 – Lawn Mower City

Ok, OK, OK. I was just a kid. I got a job mowing a rather large front yard while the owners were away. I was doing just fine. Up one side down the other then up again. Not a riding mower! Now a few of my friends came over and I somehow found myself doing figure eights, the initials of my friends and untold zig zags in the lawn. I went back early the next day and re-mowed the entire lawn and was too frightened to apologize or takes any payment — which I didn’t deserve anyway. All future lawns were done straight and proper. Ok, OK, OK. I know now I was just a kid. But I didn’t know it at the time.

You know? I never get tired of saying thank you for visiting this blog. Sometimes I get a little sleepy and forget to be as sincere as I possibly can. So, send me your email and I won’t send you any spam. Now you know how sincere a person can be!

64 – Outdoor League Family Picnic

1. Again, when I was little, I can remember Sunday cuisine as pancakes, eggs, and bacon for breakfast and a bucket of fried chicken and ‘fixens for dinner. In fact, it was the food that told me what day it was since that is all we ever had on Sunday. I now make the pancakes, forego the eggs and bacon and dinner is catch-as-catch-can. If I forget about the pancakes, I have to look at the calendar to figure out the day!

Remember that linking to this blog and telling your friends and family about it will probably not get you in trouble with the law. Now, you may want to report this blog to the law. If you don’t, I thank you. Since you had the guts to come here in the first place, I also thank you.

63 – Grate Oil Change

I am told that it’s best to change the oil in my car every 3,000 miles. Well, I’ve counseled it myself, sent it to the clinic for disturbed slick fluids, I’ve even tried to find it a date with some nice grease that I happen to be related to. Nothing worked. My oil is still a dirty little liquid. If things continue as they have, I intend to get rid of it (after all, it is not one of my children) and then replace it some new oil!

Here we are again. We are at that point in life when we bow our head, shake them vigorously, and say out loud: ” I don’t have any idea why anyone would visit this blog, BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY!”

62 – Mythington Symphony Concert

Work in a symphony orchestra is very complicated. Not only must you be good at your instrument, you must also be good at being good with all the other instruments. Then you have to know the music (no small task), know how the conductor wants the music played (another no small task). In the end, it has all got to sound perfect or else there will be hisses instead of applause. So, I’ve uncovered the secret of symphony orchestras. I’m surprised no one has seen this and exposed such orchestras for what they really are. I alone in all the world am brave enough to tell you the truth. All symphony orchestras are magic. It’s the only explanation. The musicians, the instruments, the conductor — none of them are real. They appear out of the either, do their thing, and then disappear! There, it’s out in the open. I feel much better.

Forgive me for taking this space to thank you for visiting this space. While I am truly glad for the opportunity to share these with you, I sometimes believe that by taking this space to thank you all the time, you might think I am not sincere. I am. I mean, I am sincere, not “not sincere” like you  might think. So, sincerely, thank you for visiting this space and be sure to sincerely recommend it to others. Thanks for that as well.

61 – Order Your Weather

It would be nice if we could order up the weather we wanted. I like things on the cool, non-humid side but not cold. The only place in the entire country that has exactly that kind of weather is my living room.

Would that it were that I could thank each and every one of you personally. I can’t so I am sending this blanket thank you. Thank you.

60 – Somewhat Fast Food

Much of my High School life, which began when my car began, was spent doing the big circle around a popular hamburger drive-in. Wave to your friends. Wave to everyone! It was how you did your evening homework. I grew up. The ‘burger joint became a parking lot due to no one actually buying ‘burgers and I moved on to drinking high priced coffee at a sidewalk table. When I go past the scene of the crime I can still see the convertibles doing the big circle and I really have to suppress the urge to wave.

If you are new to this blog, don’t forget to check out the archives. There are 59 other thingies that might interest you. Also, if you half a mind to, consider linking to this blog. That will help build traffic and expose others to this madness. Make a comment and let me know what you think. Just click where it usually says “No Comments” but will sometime just say “Comments” with a number of some kind in front. And, oh yes, THANKS FOR VISITING!

59 – Whale Farming

What can I say? I have absolutely no experience with whale farming. It might have a future, I just don’t know. I can see that whales are water bound so taking them out for a walk would seem counter to reality. They are large so I suppose they would be impractical as cuddle pets no matter what the ad says and my bet is that they would eat you out of house and home (I did mention that they are large, didn’t I?)

Somehow, you find yourself being drawn inexplicably back to these thingies. It could be their shape, perhaps their size, maybe even their general color. OR, it could be that I have secretly planted the notion that by visiting here you will always get a “Thank You.” Well, I’m sure that isn’t it, but thank you anyway.

58 – 40% Off

I like sales. I’m sure there isn’t a soul among us who doesn’t look in the paper for what is on sale. I had a friend who noticed a bank promotion “We’re not happy until you’re happy.” He wondered out loud about how unhappy he would have to be in order to get the bank to give him money for free.

Linking to this blog will help get the blog know by others (well, dah). But it will also cause your friends and enemies to heap praise on you, your family, your cat and make you feel mighty good. I can tell that you don’t believe me. OK. I understand. But you will become a believer if you just try it. Come on….

57 – Air-Ladder

Proof that God had intended man to fly: He has allowed charges for carry-on baggage! Next thing you know, they will up the charge for passenger tickets! Oh, wait. Thats already  been done.

If you think I am going to use this space to thank you for visiting this blog and enduring these thingies, then you are exactly right! You see, if there were no one to read these, it would be pointless to do them. They would be like a tree falling in a forrest — only it actually would be a bunch of electrons interacting with liquid crystals of your computer screen OR the phosphorous coating of your CRT screen and you not being there.

56 – Thumb Tack City

The fact is that if you really want to remember something, put it on one of those slips of paper with the sticky on one side AND THEN thumb tack it to your head. The pain will continue to remind you. Of course we don’t actually want you to tack yourself. To do so would be wrong and besides, who wants to walk around explaining that stupid note next to the blood coming out of your temple?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. That should cover it!

55 – Grate Oil Co.

My car is BIG. It has a 5.7 liter engine. Now don’t jump on me just yet. I got the car three years ago. Gas was low. It really was the only car I could get. Now, however, it is an albatross! The owner’s manual says that if I pass a gas station without getting gas, the warranty is automatically voided.

I am pleased you could take time to visit. I hope you find these thingies not too uncomfortable and that you will pass them along to friends, family, business connections, political figures, and any world travelers you may come across.

54 – The Lysdexia Clinic

All my life I’ve been plagued with dyslexia. Simple writing projects must undergo the closest scrutiny or fall pray to reversed letters. I watch it closely and ever vigilatn.

Well, all side a kidding, I really do have dyslexia and sometimes do indeed switch whole around words. That does not prevent me from you thanking! I’m glad you have visited here and really hope you tell your firends.

53 – Mobs Are Us

College was one of the best times in my life! I enjoyed getting up for a 7:30 AM ROTC class on Saturday, the late night – early morning papers that were written at the last possible moment, and, of course, all of those wonderful professors who understood that sleeping in class was a part of the Student Bill of Rights. There were some marches that took place (that dates me doesn’t it?) but I only read about them in the school newspaper. I understand that some of them were actually for important causes. I can’t really remember any of them, though. I think I was asleep.

I did not learn to say thank you in college although when a paper got finished with just enough time for me to get to class, I often looked up to the sky and said “Thank You!” But now, I want to say thank you to those of you who view my blog. Thank You. For those of you who do not view my blog, well… I don’t suppose it makes much difference, does it?

52 – Mythington Motors

Al Capone knew how to communicate. I don’t suppose his brand of getting his point across would work with ordinary people however. Ethics and morals tend to inhibit his kind of “working with people.” But I can see that being more precise would help all of us comnhfjuy and euhjfopsq in our every day affairs.

I’m not sure but I do surly believe that thanking you for viewing these thingies will communicate my feelings of appreciation. Not everyone would take the time to visit here. In fact, that anyone would visit here and then return truly astounds me.

51 – Marriage And Martial Arts

Look it up. The official definition on “Bachelor” is “a person who has never made the same mistake once.” By contrast, a woman who decides not to marry is defined as “happy.” No, I’m not against marriage. I just think that no one should “try” marriage. Marriage, by definition, should be “an agreement between two people that they will be one forever.”

As usual, I want to thank you for looking in on this blog. Remember, the archives will display the 50 previous items. I hope you enjoy them and pass my blog address to friends, neighbors and total strangers.